"Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international significance and why it concerns you." (paraphrased)

Here's my common app essay for college. Please pick it apart and change stuff.

Edit: After suggestions from both you guys and friends, I made some changes. It's significantly longer now--please help me out :)

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Throughout history, much of society has condemned atheism, likening it to a Satanic manifestation upon humanity. Plato argued that atheism was a danger to society and should be punished as a crime. Since the days of theocracy, witch hunts, “Spanish Inquisitions”, and religious persecution in general has steadily been on the decline. However, society’s understanding of non-belief has not increased during this time period. I live in the “Bible Belt” of America. My beliefs don’t line up with the standard set by the region; rather, they directly oppose them. Turning into a skeptic was never easy. From the instant I changed my religious affiliation on Facebook from “Agnostic” to “Atheist”, I witnessed a gradual uprising of friend and stranger alike asking how I could operate under the assumption that we live in a godless universe. These questions moved me to take action.

Growing up, I listened in on many conversations concerning atheists. Consistently, friends and parents of those friends used their faith to justify brushing atheism off as an “extremist movement” that had no basis in reality. Granted, no one should fault them for this: since Christianity thrives in the majority of West Texas, many grow up knowing only the Christian faith, with limited to no exposure to other worldviews. In some cases, prejudices, often based on misleading information, have been embedded in my peers since birth, through no fault of their own. Thus, I set it upon myself to elucidate atheism—to show that atheists aren’t atheists because they “hate God” or seek some sort of magical freedom to live a sinful life. Not really an easy task. To do this, I used Facebook and Xanga to blog on specific issues through the lens of a skeptic: evolution, the concept of Hell, and morality, among others. Aside from improving my writing skill, my blogging has turned a few heads. Since my “radical” views have circulated throughout the blogosphere, people have approached me both online and in person with remarks ranging from pleas to accept Christ (in order to save my lost soul from the fiery pits of Hell) to outright condemnation of my skepticism. Thankfully, others offset those remarks with calls of praise for speaking my mind—both from believers and non-believers alike.

Despite my marginal progress, the fact remains that misguided people remain who falsely use religion as a vehicle to chastise nonbelievers. In many cases, the usually good and beneficial message that religion sends has become corrupted by elitism, intolerance, and even ignorance. This is not just a local issue; this phenomenon plagues a large portion of America, and rears its ugly head in the classroom, the workplace, and even in politics. George Bush Sr. himself said himself when asked about the equal citizenship of atheists: "No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God." Moreover, restrictions are currently in place in seven US state constitutions that effectively prevent an atheist from holding office. This kind of flagrant injustice should not stand in a country founded under the principles of religious tolerance.

While I believe that everyone has a fundamental right to believe what they choose, attacking others for differing beliefs is rude at best and malicious at worst. I hope to at least lessen these attacks through whatever means I can and move towards a world where religious intolerance is the extreme, not the norm.

Help elucidate it... make sure it flows nicely. If there's anything I should add, let me know.

Thanks in advance!!

- John

Well, before I get into the details of this situation, there's a little backstory that will probably help you make a better judgment on all of it.

I have known my ex-girlfriend, let's call her Angela, since 7th grade. I think it's safe to say that there's always been some sort of attraction between us ever since we've gotten to know each other, really. We tried dating in 8th grade, and that ended awkwardly after a short week. We decided to try again my freshman year of high school, and I lasted a few more months before screwing things up on my end. We went our separate ways for a while, I going into another short relationship, and Angela into a more long-lasting one with a guy that we'll call Chris. When my relationship ended, I proceeded to become the "best friend" that still had lingering feelings for her. She continued to date Chris for a little over a year. In the summer before our Junior year, she began to confide in me her doubts about her relationship with Chris. The details are irrelevant to the story, but more or less the more insecure she felt, the more we talked. Eventually, the "I still have feelings for you" conversation happened (initiated by her), and it all sort of turned into a mess. Eventually, she left Chris for me, and--go figure--our new relationship, which I thought was going to be perfect, ended up not working out at all... but we left each other on good terms, for the most part. After the dust settled, Angela ended up dating another guy; let's call him Mike.

Fast forward to today. They've been dating for about, say, 7-8 months now. Recently, Angela got engaged to Mike. Angela will be a senior in high school next year, while Mike will be a college freshman.

Before I ask my question, here are some tid-bits I didn't include in my synopsis of our past that might be helpful (or just things I found amusing):

• Angela has known Mike for the same amount of time that she has known me.
• When we broke up the last time, Angela told me that she has had a crush on Mike since the 7th grade.
  
• At one point, Chris suspected Angela of cheating on him with Mike, although it was false (just kind of a flirty nature).
• Angela has always been a romantic. Reads romance novels like a fiend and is a Twilight fanatic. (By the way, Angela is 17. Bella Swan's not too far away...)
• When we first started our "supposed to be perfect" post-Chris relationship, she confessed to me that she had thoughts of wanting to marry me as well.
• Angela is moving in with Chris on her 18th birthday in February, and getting two jobs (Americorps, which is a during school program, and a job outside of school) to help pay for the apartment they will be sharing together.
  
• While she is engaged now, the wedding is going to be held 5 years from now, i.e. after college.
• Her wedding, as it is planned now, will take place at the same gazebo that her biological parents married. They are now divorced.
  
• Her parents have no knowledge of any of this.
  

So, readers, I pose to you this question. Is it okay for her to be engaged at 17? If not, should I say anything about it? Try to dissuade her? Or should I leave it for her to go through?

Part of me instinctively wants to reprimand her, not because of a "it should have been me" mentality (I no longer wish to be with her) but because I still feel that she's too young and the relationship hasn't gone on long enough. However, after seeing that she will have many years before actually tying the knot, I realize that she will have a decent amount of time to think things over. I guess I'm pretty conflicted.

Thoughts?