...But really, the most fascinating thing about it all is the sheer desire behind it. It was hardly just a want: one of those impassioned lusts that come and go much like our movie star crushes or food cravings. No, this stood different from any feeling he'd experienced in his brief but storied lifetime. This was a primal exigency, a divine compulsion. Not so much for her, although the desire shouldn't at all be underestimated.
Rather, it was the newness of her essence of reality that was so intriguing. You see, there was much that he had experienced in this world and many people he had encountered. Some flighty, some brilliant, some infinitely nervous. He'd seen just about every spectrum of sanity and temperament and sexual orientation; been the object of want by many and wanted exponentially more himself. He had come to a point in his life where, young though he was, he felt as if he had seen and felt just about everything there was to see and feel in this world, save the sweet release of death. She, however... was something else entirely. A raven in a flock of black vultures. A lit candle in a room smothered with grey darkness. A declamatory statement in poetic stanzas dripping with metaphor.
At first, she almost seemed too perfect. He could go on about her undeniably beautiful qualities: the way her locks swayed ever so gently when she walked, the way she laughed with the fervor of a drunk man but the care of a charming princess. Especially the way she looked at the world when she thought nobody else was watching... always with a rabid curiosity and a penchant for mystery. Anyone that took the time to pay attention to her in her moments of self contemplation would universally notice the half-smirk permanently affixed on her countenance. It was as if she wielded a secret; a secret that only she knew about people and places and reality; a secret that she was more than happy to keep all to herself. And this secret got her through the tough days of pain that seemed too much to bear, and pushed her through the mornings when she didn't want to wake up, and stemmed the tears on the nights where she couldn't face the world and its burdens anymore. It was a secret just about everyone wanted subconsciously, and none more than him, as it was one of the pieces to the puzzle of her psyche.
But what perhaps intrigued him the most was her darker side. The side known only by her closest friends and those lucky enough to have once won her heart--and those callous enough to break it. The side that, inevitably, seemed to drive anyone she cared about away. Friends, family, lovers, you name it. There weren't many who truly understood her for what she was and not who she had to be, and even fewer that accepted her for it. For all the obviousness of the half-smirk on her face, it was easy to overlook the more subtle agony seated within her eyes. Panic and distress were constants, but she was too proud to admit it. She was always so proud. Behind the grins and the elegant laughter, those who took the time to look more closely saw a girl who needed someone. She'd fight tooth and nail if she had to go it alone, but would far rather have someone by her side who needed her like she needed him. Somebody that finally, for once, saw in her what nobody else had seen. Appreciated her for who she was and loved her even more for what she wasn't.
Indeed, it was this girl that perfected his dreams and shattered his nightmares. Indeed, she was his perfection incarnate. Not only did she embody his ideal woman (which happens to be starkly different from "the" ideal woman), she revealed to him a slew of new qualities that he never realized he wanted, and qualities that he never knew he needed. Never before had he met a woman who universally inspired such intense levels of intrigue, suspense, and affection. Any antiquated notion of love and passion was all but out the window with her. He had stepped on a new level of comfort and assuredness and certainty that indeed... he had found the one. And whether or not he could win her over and be the significant other that she needed, or fill the void in her heart that he wanted so desperately to fill and be a part of... he knew that he could walk away with at least one victory. Self-enlightenment. In the midst of this chaos, he took comfort in that he could walk away with renewed standards and a revived faith in humanity and the opposite sex. A revived faith in love.
So no, this wasn't an affection that would come and go with the tides and teenage whims of the 90's. Not at all. This feeling of love without abandon had taken him prisoner, for better or worse... and, quite frankly, he was beginning to develop Stockholm Syndrome.
The sheer desire behind it all was the most fascinating thing.
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